A Letter To My Early-Teen Self

Dear younger me, 
Remember how you thought you'd have everything figured out by the time you were a sophomore or junior in highschool? Sorry to tell you, love, but you really don't. But you know what? That is completely normal - most kids your age have no idea what they're doing with their lives.

I made this realization about two months ago in math class - we were all listening to music while solving problems and I looked at one of my classmates who had his earplugs in and was humming a song and this epiphany just hit me out of nowhere. I don't know why, but looking at him doing whatever and looking happy-ish made me realize that we're all just kids. Maybe it was because he resembled a small child in that moment or maybe it was some other reason, but that's beside the point.

Point is, I just knew in that moment that none of my classmates had stuff figured out. Not my super outgoing friend who has good grades and a lot of friends. Not the couples who've been in happy long-term relationships. Not the girl who is a sports champion. Not the earplugs' boy. None of us, myself included, know shit about what's going on.

So maybe, you should stop worrying about it and stop fantasizing about how stuff will be better in the future. Yes, of course, things do and will continue to get better. But you'll still have the same insecurities and fears because you still won't have things figured out. Because you'll still be a kid at heart, the same kid you were two, four, six years ago.

You'll still be shy - maybe a bit less, but still a lot. You'll still worry about people's first and second opinions of you. You'll still suck at chit-chat with people you don't really know. You'll still get nervous when you have to talk with someone you're not friends with. You'll still have crushes on boys you barely know and almost never talk to. You'll still have issues with "connecting" with someone as soon as you meet them - you'll probably only be comfortable around them after maybe two weeks of "being friends". You'll still wonder if you're going to end up all alone.

But you're also going to have a wonderful group of friends. You're going to meet new people you like. You're going to get more and more confident. You're going to have one of school's highest grades averages. You're going to find hope and realize you probably won't end up alone, and even if you do it will be okay.

So no, you won't have your life all sorted out, each of the gaps in your mind completed, each of your "worrying list" items crossed out. This hasn't happened up until junior year and it probably won't ever. But that is totally and completely okay. You are definitely not alone in this feeling of doubt and insecurity. I don't know how I know it, but I'm more than sure that everyone is feeling the same as you - even if for different reasons. And yes, I know you like facts and reliable sources, but I guess you're just gonna have to trust me on this one. If I tell you you don't have to have things figured out to be happy, it's because I truly believe in it.

You may still continue to be the same old clueless kid in a couple of years but so will everyone else and though you shouldn't compare yourself to others, that is going to make you feel less insane. I just wanted you to know this, to stop obsessing about not understanding stuff, to stop romanticizing the future. Things will still be the same. But that is somehow comforting - you have now years and years of not understanding the same stuff (there's a lot of consistency around here!). And at the same time, things will change and that is also comforting. 
No point in worrying then.
Just know that you got this, girl.